Training and the conflict

I’ve signed up for some races next year. More than I’ve ever signed up for during a one year period; nearly as many as I’ve done my whole life.

I’m asking myself why, since I am not a person who enjoys the race.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy going fast, stretching and weaving and feeling the exhilaration of a challenge. I just don’t like looking at other people or comparing myself with them. I find that once I do that, I’m done. Something of the drive within me dies. It restricts my freedom and freedom is the reason I run.

Still, I can’t deny that when I see people who can run farther and faster than me, I wonder, how do they do it? Why can’t I do it? What holds me back?

Training. I have to train and yet I don’t like it. It forces me to look at others when I really don’t want to.

I tell you, it’s a conundrum.


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